Outreach and Education

With an emphasis on providing free education and outreach services to family members, individuals, professionals, caregivers, and the community, Roper & Sons offers seminars and workshops on a wide range of subjects. Some of our most popular workshops have included:

• Who Gets Grandma’s Yellow Pie Plate?
• What’s It Worth? (Antique appraisal event)
• Mourning Our Own Mortality
• Working From The Heart
• Forgiveness
• Introduction to Dream Analysis
• Ethical Wills: Leaving a Legacy
• How the Dying Teach Us to Live
• What Are Your End-of-Life Choices?

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Dealing With Grief

Quote: “Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.” Kahlil Gibran

At some point in our lives, we all have to face the reality of losing a friend or family member to death. The idea of losing someone we love, however, can make even the most impervious people feel uncomfortable, confused, and afraid. Yet only when we confront death can we truly understand the value and meaning of life itself.

While we all need to work through our loss, there is no set way to deal with the death of someone we love. In experiencing grief people go through a range of jarring, contradictory emotions such as denial, anger, sorrow, guilt, and relief. People may fluctuate from feeling stable to being depressed.
Ultimately, however, the key to dealing with death is the ability to accept, and adapt to, change. We must accept our loss, and we know we have achieved this when we can see the life of our loved one as a fond memory rather than as a harsh reality.

According to research, some or all of the following emotions emerge throughout the course of a normal grieving process:

• Shock and surprise
  People are rarely braced for someone’s death. In fact, the reality of death may not occur to a person for a number of days afterward.
• Emotional release
  The healthy release of tension and other emotions usually occurs at the funeral or with family and friends, but this is only the beginning of the grieving process.
• Physical distress and anxiety
  During some more advanced stages of the grieving process, a person may feel so lonesome that he or she appears to develop symptoms of physical distress.
• Loneliness
  After the funeral, when family and friends have gone home, feelings of emptiness, isolation, and depression may occur.
• Panic
  It may become difficult to concentrate because of constant memories of the deceased. In fact, this may cause a person to worry about his or her own stability. Not knowing what is happening or what to do can result in panic and weakened self-esteem.
• Guilt
  Oftentimes survivors of the deceased dwell on the things they could have done differently and may even feel responsible for the person’s death.
• Hostility and projection
  This is one of the most difficult stages for relatives and friends because the survivor suddenly becomes hostile to those whom he or she thinks could have helped prevent the death. Family and friends should be tolerant and non-defensive.
• Fatigue
  Usually the survivor suffers in silence, weary from the depression and frustration. Becoming more active is part of the answer.
• Gradual overcoming of grief
  Through the affection and encouragement of friends and family, gradually a new meaning of life unfolds.
• Readjustment to reality
  Recalling the deceased becomes a pleasant experience and planning for the future becomes more realistic.

If you, a family member or friend are experiencing any of these symptoms, realize they are all part of the normal, healthy, and absolutely necessary process of grieving.

Quote: “One friend, one person who is truly understanding, who takes the trouble to listen to us as we consider our problems, can change our whole outlook on the world.” Dr. Elliott Mayo

• A healthy balance of companionship and privacy
  The bereaved require both time to reflect and time to share their feelings.
• The opportunity to express grief without embarrassment
  It is essential to provide a warm, comforting environment in which the bereaved can express their feelings openly and honestly.
• Recognition of symptoms that may result from intense grieving
  These symptoms often resemble physical changes that occur during or following a serious illness, including changes in:
  • Sleep patterns
  • Energy levels
  • Eating habits
  • Behavioral patterns
    
• Support and assistance in reentering the social world
  Bereaved people need to be able to trust and depend on others to help them cope with the new social situations.
• The knowledge that grief is a normal, healthy process of life
• Assistance in resolving legal matters and business affairs
  The bereaved need someone to help them think clearly, settle issues, and plan for the future.
• The opportunity to share their experience of loss
  An active, patient, open-minded listener can facilitate others’ healing by helping the bereaved reach their own conclusions about death, dying, and loss.

Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D., has identified what he calls the “six mourning needs.” There are several ways to address each of these needs and to find comfort throughout the planning of the funeral, the actual visitation or wake, the funeral or memorial service, and long afterward.

When someone we love passes away, we need to do the following:

1. Acknowledge the reality of the death
2. Move toward the pain of the loss
3. Remember the person who died
4. Develop a new self-identity
5. Search for meaning
6. Receive support from others

Although life will never be the same without the person who has died, part of him or her will remain a part of us as long as we remember what is important and forget the rest. Eventually, a new feeling of normalcy will emerge.

1. Experiment with ways to acknowledge the reality of death.
   Have a wake or visitation, speak of the person by name and in the past tense, touch the body’s hands and notice how they feel, sit with the body in private for a while, talk to the body or cremated remains (even if only in your head), or think about the things that will be different without the deceased person.
2. Try to move toward the pain of the loss.
   Viewing the dead body may be one of the most painful yet therapeutic moments for survivors, according to Dr. Wolfelt. Open yourself to your feelings by listening to music, reading poems or quotations, creating a list of what you’ll miss most, or visiting favorite places and feeling the difference of these places without your deceased friend or family member.
3. Remember the person who has died.
   Talk about him or her, look at scrapbooks or albums you may have, set up a display of his or her hobbies or talents, play the person’s favorite music, or wash and fold his or her clothes.
4. Develop a new self-identity.
   How are you different since he or she died? How are you the same? What can you do now that you didn’t consider before the death? Make a list of your strengths and needs, then create a plan for using those strengths and taking care of your needs.
5. Search for meaning.
   Consider the deep questions about life. Ask “why” questions in many ways until you begin to envision an answer—even if you believe the answer would make no difference to you. Ponder what lessons might be learned from the deceased person’s life and read poetry or philosophy that enriches your understanding of life and death.
6. Receive support from others.
   Learn to say “thank you” sincerely. Accept that you deserve support from others. Write notes to people who sent flowers, brought food, baby-sat, chopped wood, or whatever kind of gesture. Let people know what you would need or appreciate, or call a friend and explain that you just need to talk.

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Information and Referral Services

• Roper & Sons Resource and Outreach
  An excellent source of grief-related literature and other pertinent information including a broad selection of self-help materials for personal healing and growth, professional growth, and expressions of friendship.
  (402) 483-1111
  Contact: Debbie Way

• Centering Corp.
  A clearinghouse of adult and children’s books and pamphlets concerning grief of any type (miscarriages, death, divorce, etc.).
  Free catalog available.
  (402) 553-1200
  7230 Maple St.
  Omaha, NE 68516
  Hours: Monday – Friday, 8:30 am to 5 pm

• SIDS Support/Counseling
  Community Mental Health
  (402) 441-7940
  Contact: Wendy Andorf

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Self-Help Support Groups & Services

• Alzheimer’s Association
  Educational programs, compassionate services, access to resources and support for research, support groups, financial assistance to families for respite care, monthly newsletter, speakers bureau, advocacy and influencing public policy, in-service training, educational materials, including access to national Alzheimer’s library.
  (402) 420-2540
  (800) 487-2585 Toll Free
  (402) 420-2541 Fax
  5601 South 27th Street, Ste. 201
  Lincoln, NE 68512

• Bridges
  Exclusively a telephone grief support group for people who have lost a newborn child through death or miscarriage. Nurses are trained in grief counseling. People are assigned to a counselor; there are no group meetings. Sponsored by St. Elizabeth’s Community Health Center.
  (402) 486-7065
  555 S. 70th St.
  Lincoln, NE 68510

• The Cancer Resource Center
  A caring resource for people facing cancer. For those newly diagnosed, going through treatment, or going through recurrence.
  (402) 483-2827
  (800) 487-8786
  4600 Valley Road, Suite 336
  Lincoln, NE 68510

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• Charlie Brown’s Kids
  Free grief and social support groups for children ages 3 to 16 who have experienced the death of a parent. Meets first and third Thursdays of every month from 6 pm to 8 pm.
  (402) 483-1845
  Sheridan Lutheran Church
  3700 Sheridan Blvd.
  Lincoln, NE 68506

• Christ’s Place
  Adult grief sessions for both members and non-members. Spring and Fall sessions. There is a small fee for book and materials.
  (402) 421-1111
  1111 Old Cheney Place
  Lincoln, NE 68512

• Community Friends
  A self-help program facilitated by qualified volunteers and professionals. Offers support and networking to promote healthy grieving and recovery for those who have experienced the death of a child. Monthly ongoing open-ended meetings.
  (402) 481-3068
  (402) 470-3203

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• Grief Recovery Workshop
  Sponsored by First-Plymouth Church, 20th & D Street in Lincoln. This workshop is designed to explore the dynamics of grief and recovery from loss and learn how to deal successfully with loss so the sun will once again shine in your life! If you have experienced a loss of any kind consider joining us on Tuesday evenings from 7-8:30 PM starting October 5 November 23 in Classroom A. Course topics include: Staying Open to Grief, Grief Recovery: How Does it Work?, Confusion About Stages, When Is It Time to Begin to Recover?, Myths About Dealing With Grief, Not Knowing What to Say, Participating in Your Own Recovery. The cost is $50 and includes a workbook. The course is led by Becky Walkowiak RN, LMHP and Laurie Reinsch, LMHP, both whom have years of experience leading Grief Recovery Workshops. To register for this workshop please send your $50 payment along with all your contact information and email to: First-Plymouth Church, Grief Workshop, 2000 D Street, Lincoln, NE 68502. For information contact Sarah at 476-7550. Limited enrollment.

• GriefShare
  A 12-week small group session. Offered at various times throughout the year. There is a small fee for books.
  (402) 483-6512
  Lincoln Berean Church
  Contact: Mags Bohling
  6400 South 70th Street
  Lincoln, NE 68516

• Growing Through Grief Program
  A six-week session of adult education and group support offered quarterly. Free to hospice family survivors; a $50 negotiable fee for others.
  (402) 483-7671
  (402) 489-1834
  Tabitha Health Care Services
  4720 Randolph Street
  Lincoln, NE 68510

• Growing Through Grief Program
  Free 8-week session of adult group education and support.
  Offered quarterly.
  (402) 483-7671
  Tabitha Health Care Services
  4720 Randolph Street
  Lincoln, NE 68510

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• Healing Hearts/Catholic Social Services
  For widows and widowers. A six-week focused session including education, support, and a memorial mass. Topics include death of a spouse; death of a family member; death of a child through stillbirth, neonatal, miscarriage, or SIDS; and divorce or separation. Provides assistance to people of all religions, races, and socioeconomic levels.
  (402) 488-2040
  (402) 489-1834

• Hidden Victims
  For people who were involved in the death or serious injury of another person. Free telephone support & literature.
  (402) 486-9668
  (402) 476-9668

• Homicide Co-Victim Group
  A free counselor-led counseling and support group for friends and families of homicide victims. Meets second Monday of every month from 7 pm to 9 pm.
  (402) 441-7181

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• HOPE (Helping Other Parents Endure)
  Open-ended meetings and support for parents who have lost their baby due to miscarriage, stillbirth, or SIDS. No fee. Meets first Wednesday of each month.
  (402) 473-2822
  Bryan Medical Plaza
  Contact: Sharon Duffy
  1600 S. 48th St.
  Lincoln, NE 68506

• Hospice Bereavement Support – Tabitha
  Individual support group for the terminally ill.
  (402) 486-8506
  4720 Randolph St.
  Lincoln, NE 68510
  Hours: Monday – Friday, 8 am to 5 pm

• H.U.G.S. (Helping Us Grieve Successfully)
  H.U.G.S. camp is a one-day camp providing activities for children,
  ages 5 and up, teens, and adults.
  For more information contact:
  BryanLGH Community Health Education and Resource Center
  (402) 481-8886
  1600 South 48th Street
  Lincoln, NE 68506

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• Just Pals
  Focused on younger widowed people. Meets one Saturday a month for social activities.
  (402) 441-7028

• Mourning Hope
  For children and youth and their families dealing with grief. Families remain in program until they feel ready to leave. This free support group is led by trained volunteers and professionals. A lending library is also available.
  (402) 423-1416
  Contact: Pam Dinneen

• Pen Parents
  A correspondence network for bereaved parents. Publishes a newsletter.
  P.O. Box 8738
  Reno, NV 89507

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• Project Rachel
  Post-abortion counseling and listening. Post-abortion trauma and healing support. No initial fee.
  (402) 489-2249
  (800) 964-3787
  215 Centennial Mall South, Ste. 410
  Lincoln, NE 68508

• Ray of Hope
  Support group for people who have survived after someone has died from suicide. Meets first and third Mondays of every month at 7 pm.
  (402) 483-4126 (Ask for the Pastor)
  Our Saviour’s Lutheran Church
  40th and “C” Streets
  Lincoln, NE 68510

• St. Mark’s United Methodist Church Grief Support Group
  Support group for people grieving over any significant loss. Meets Mondays from 6:30 pm to 8 pm.
  (402) 489-8885

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• THEOS (They Help Each Other Spiritually)
  Free support for adults. Meets first Saturday in the McGee parlor. Potluck dinner at 6:15 pm and meeting at 7:00 pm. Open to all.
  (402) 466-5238
  Warren United Methodist Church
  1205 North 45th Street
  Lincoln, NE 68503

• Widowed Persons Service/Grief Support Services
  Grief support for loss of a spouse or partner through death. Call for times and dates. Also provides social activities with other widows/widowers at various locations.
  (402) 441-7028
  129 N. 10th St., #241
  Lincoln, NE 68508
  Hours: Monday – Friday, 8 am to 4:30 pm

• Widower's Breakfast
  Gathering for breakfast and sharing.
  Contact: Ivan Grams, (402) 488-2661
  or the WPS office, (402) 441-7028

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• Widows' Breakfast
  Gathering for breakfast and sharing.
  Contact: Hazel Scott, (402) 464-5747
  or the WPS office, (402) 441-7028

• Dr. Alan Wolfelt Grief Program
  A 10-week session that runs periodically throughout the year. No fee for the class, but must pay for the book. For grief education and support associated with the loss of a loved one. Non-denominational.
  (402) 483-4126 (Ask for the Pastor)
  Our Saviour’s Lutheran Church
  40th & C Streets
  Lincoln, NE 68510